This is a tough one…
I’ve always known, my whole life who and what I’m going to be. When I was 9 years old, I didn’t know what a person who makes cartoons is called so I named my dream job, being a cartoonist! As it turned out, I didn’t make the word up and tough it’s not That aspect of animation I wanted to be involved in, I was very close!
I grew up and realised that what I wanted to be, is an animator. I was 12 years old. From there on out, all I did was draw, paint, sketch, and tell stories. I did not see the inside of a club until I was in my early 20’s, I just wasn’t interested. For me, the weekend meant I could claim a space in the house to set out my art equipment, and not have to clean it up until I was finished with my creation, which would usually be Sunday. Why clean it up when it’s the first place I go when I wake up, and I stayed glued to the spot until bed time. occasionally getting up to bath, eat, or watch cartoons. This was me at 18.
I loved to draw, but just as much, I loved children. I used to do the “children’s church” portion of home cell every week. They loved my made up stories and games I would create on the spot. I wanted to make cartoons, not only because I loved to draw but also because I loved to entertain children.
Something changed though. I’m not sure when I stopped drawing. But I did. I am still very drawn to the artsy things in life. I make my own clothes, create artistic DIY projects & get lost in a good play. But I stopped drawing…
The hiatus from drawing really put a spanner in the works and for the first time in my life, I had no clue what I wanted to be. I was still in that space this year and it scared me! I was forced to coast because there wasn’t anything I was working towards really. I had no goal in mind. I tried prayer, meditating, sabaticals…nothing. Nothing at all!
I could say I’m still in that space, but now I’m learning to live in it. I’m taking things and opportunities as they come…or don’t. I have so much to be grateful for and it’s in this stalled time that I have finally been able to open my eyes, pause, and smell the blessings.
In 10 years, I hope to be content wherever it is I may find myself. I hope to have found myself.
lamyourmuse 
This piece resounds so much with me. You are lucky to have know so young what you wanted to become…I’m still not sure? I want to do so much (hahaha)
Honestly your dilemma is not unique…the creatives around me all reach that place of dryness at some point. I wanted to be an author at some stage of my life but after my 6 month in journalism I put my pen down. Its been 10 years and daily I feel the writer in me awakening and beckoning me back to the quill. I’ve learnt now never to force anything never to want or need a purpose but to simply tune into the rhythm of life.
Sometimes we are so consumed with the next 10 years that we forget that the only time or moment that we have is now…and if you are content now…you will be in 10 years time as long as you are true to yourself. Thank you God for the dry periods…
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