My grandmother passed away a few weeks ago. I used to be really close with her, but we drifted apart recently. I visited her as often as I could, and we’d chat and laugh, I’d “borrow” one of her scarfs and Promise I’d bring it back next time I came to see her…needless to say, I’ve a pretty impressive scarf collection.
She was one of the smartest people I knew, and that’s why we got along so well. She always challenged my way of thinking and opened me up to different ways of seeing things and people. If it wasn’t for her, I would Never have passed a single Biology test. Nobody knew human anatomy backwards, forward, & sideways like she did, and on the rare occasion that she did not know, she had a book that did and by the end of the conversation, both she and I would be educated.
She very quickly deteriorated towards the end of her life & though she held her sense of humor, she was no longer herself & it was in this time that I said goodbye to her. She knew God so I was not worried bout her soul, but couldn’t see her like that. This woman who was the matriarch of our family, the strongest & most independent female I’ve ever known, was no longer that & I quickly realized that she was already gone. My grandmother, who was the one who figured out I was a lactose intolerant baby, treated my bee stings, taught me how to sew, crochet, knit, paint, how the vascular and lymphatic systems work, was no longer.
I never really cried. I felt a joy instead because I felt she had been liberated when we got the news of her passing. I did not go to see her in her casket because I didn’t want to associate her with that body anymore. She was no longer there. My grandmother could not sit still if you paid her! She was fidgety to her last breath! She told us teachers used to complain about the ants in her pants because she was always so energetic & moving around! That body in that box, that was not her. Gogo was also extremely claustrophobic! It was really funny, she would sit outside on the veranda & wait for us to come home because she couldn’t be in the house alone! She made fun of herself about it all the time! So this person being put in a box, in the ground…nope! Not her. She was liberated. She’s not floating around anywhere because she was afraid of flying too! But, liberated none the less.
What did make me very sad though was seeing all my family members break down. They were all so sad & all I could do was hug them & wish I could share my peace.
And that is where my head is at in terms of that.
Knowing her was an honor and a pleasure. I’m so grateful for the chance to have had her influence in my life.
lamyourmuse 